can someone give me some insight. i am anglo from the u.s. married, happy, speak enough spanish to get by, but not fluent. met a guy from nigaragua speaks no english, here working, trying to send money home, also married. He has started making suggestions that we could hook up, like neither spouse has to know, and we could just have our own thing on the side. I could not so that to my husband, but it seems like he doen't have the same dedication to his wife. thoughts??

What kind of thoughts could you possibly be looking for? If you "can't do
that to your husband" just tell the guy no. If he doesn't have the same
commitment to his wife, that's not your problem.

Shaun

"cinnamonsmom" <newbaby101@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:e519e755ebdaca55e6c6e131c99095f5@localhost.ta lkabouttravelling.com...
> can someone give me some insight. i am anglo from the u.s. married,
happy, speak enough spanish to get by, but not fluent. met a guy from
nigaragua speaks no english, here working, trying to send money home, also
married. He has started making suggestions that we could hook up, like
neither spouse has to know, and we could just have our own thing on the
side. I could not so that to my husband, but it seems like he doen't have
the same dedication to his wife. thoughts??
>

On 12/14/2003 9:25 PM cinnamonsmom performed amanuensis:

>can someone give me some insight. i am anglo from the u.s. married, happy, speak enough spanish to get by, but not fluent. met a guy from nigaragua speaks no english, here working, trying to send money home, also married. He has started making suggestions that we could hook up, like neither spouse has to know, and we could just have our own thing on the side. I could not so that to my husband, but it seems like he doen't have the same dedication to his wife. thoughts??
>
>
>
Latin america has a whole tradition of "don't ask - don't tell" when it
comes to matters of passion. The wives know but choose not to know or
vice versa. It is also part of machismo for a man to be married and
have someone on the side. This is especially true if he is far from
home. His love for his wife and family is not diminished, but a man has
"needs". It's just sex, friendship may be involved (sex buddies) but in
the end he is dedicated to his wife and children back home. Some men
have a man on the side instead of a woman as unwanted pregnancy doesn't
come into the picture. In Brazil women may do the same, and have a
woman on the side. But, they are not gay, they are just having sex with
someone of convenience. It's a different culture than here in the US.
Having sex is recreational, just like going to the beach.

If you are happily married and don't want to complicate your life with
an affair - just say no. He will try to change your mind, but if you
let it be known that you are firm, he will move on to someone else.

--
________
To email me, Edit "xt" from my email address.
Brian M. Kochera
"Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!"
View My Web Page: http://home.earthlink.net/~brian1951

> He has started making suggestions that we could hook up,
> like neither spouse has to know, and we could just have our
> own thing on the side.

Oh ... be adventurous and give it a try. Don't say you haven't thought
about it. The best place for him to learn English is in bed.

Brian K <brianxt1951@earthlink.net> wrote in message news:<WTGDb.383$wL6.61@newsread1.news.atl.earthlin k.net>...
> On 12/14/2003 9:25 PM cinnamonsmom performed amanuensis:
>
> >can someone give me some insight. i am anglo from the u.s.
married, happy, speak enough spanish to get by, but not fluent. met a
guy from nigaragua speaks no english, here working, trying to send
money home, also married. He has started making suggestions that we
could hook up, like neither spouse has to know, and we could just have
our own thing on the side. I could not so that to my husband, but it
seems like he doen't have the same dedication to his wife. thoughts??
> >
> >
> >
> Latin america has a whole tradition of "don't ask - don't tell" when it
> comes to matters of passion. The wives know but choose not to know or
> vice versa. It is also part of machismo for a man to be married and
> have someone on the side. This is especially true if he is far from
> home. His love for his wife and family is not diminished, but a man has
> "needs". It's just sex, friendship may be involved (sex buddies) but in
> the end he is dedicated to his wife and children back home. Some men
> have a man on the side instead of a woman as unwanted pregnancy doesn't
> come into the picture. In Brazil women may do the same, and have a
> woman on the side. But, they are not gay, they are just having sex with
> someone of convenience. It's a different culture than here in the US.
> Having sex is recreational, just like going to the beach.
>
> If you are happily married and don't want to complicate your life with
> an affair - just say no. He will try to change your mind, but if you
> let it be known that you are firm, he will move on to someone else.

Is sex considered recreational for Brazilian women too? Do they also
look for other men, or is the machismo concept only applicable to
guys there? In many countries looking for some action on the side is
a good way to get your head shot off! Do Brazilian guys put up with
other men coming on to their wives or girlfriends?

On Sun, 14 Dec 2003 20:25:18 -0600, "cinnamonsmom"
<newbaby101@hotmail.com> wrote:

>can someone give me some insight. i am anglo from the u.s. married, happy, speak enough spanish to get by, but not fluent. met a guy from nigaragua speaks no english, here working, trying to send money home, also married. He has started making suggestions that we could hook up, like neither spouse has to know, and we could just have our own thing on the side. I could not so that to my husband, but it seems like he doen't have the same dedication to his wife. thoughts??
My wife is Mexican, and I can tell you from first-hand knowledge (not
her, but her family's doings) that MANY Latino men who are married
have girlfriends on the side. It is not even uncommon for them to
spend a great deal of time with their girlfriend, sometimes they even
set them up in a house, and have other children with them. And many
times the wife and her family know all about it and althought they do
not like it, they accept it. Even though they are VERY Catholic. In
other words, it is against their religion to divorce, but not to
cheat... Well, technically it IS wrong to cheat, but it is accepted,
whereas divorce is not. However, in my wife's family, they told their
daughter in law that if she wants to divorce from their son and get a
new husband, they would not blame her. But she doesn't do it.

This is why my wife decided not to marry a Latino man.

Many Latino men think it is fine to have a woman on the side, and it
is "accepted" - if not liked - in their culture.

So yes, he can still love his wife and children and want to fool
around with you. You should explain to him that here it is grounds for
divorce and not at all acceptable.

In article <61bvtvsmakuu88r9qnmcv8fqh2rj4ntrab@4ax.com>, MiguelB
<mbg@mbg.ca> writes

>This is why my wife decided not to marry a Latino man.

Miguel with a name like that and you are not Latino?
Are you a Michael in disgusie?

--
JohnM
Author of Brazil: Life, Blood, Soul
http://www.scroll.demon.co.uk/spaver.htm

On 12/16/2003 6:38 PM Frederick performed amanuensis:

>Brian K <brianxt1951@earthlink.net> wrote in message news:<WTGDb.383$wL6.61@newsread1.news.atl.earthlin k.net>...
>
>
>>On 12/14/2003 9:25 PM cinnamonsmom performed amanuensis:
>>
>>
>>
>>>can someone give me some insight. i am anglo from the u.s.
>>>
>>>
>married, happy, speak enough spanish to get by, but not fluent. met a
>guy from nigaragua speaks no english, here working, trying to send
>money home, also married. He has started making suggestions that we
>could hook up, like neither spouse has to know, and we could just have
>our own thing on the side. I could not so that to my husband, but it
>seems like he doesn't have the same dedication to his wife. thoughts??
>
>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>Latin america has a whole tradition of "don't ask - don't tell" when it
>>comes to matters of passion. The wives know but choose not to know or
>>vice versa. It is also part of machismo for a man to be married and
>>have someone on the side. This is especially true if he is far from
>>home. His love for his wife and family is not diminished, but a man has
>>"needs". It's just sex, friendship may be involved (sex buddies) but in
>>the end he is dedicated to his wife and children back home. Some men
>>have a man on the side instead of a woman as unwanted pregnancy doesn't
>>come into the picture. In Brazil women may do the same, and have a
>>woman on the side. But, they are not gay, they are just having sex with
>>someone of convenience. It's a different culture than here in the US.
>>Having sex is recreational, just like going to the beach.
>>
>>If you are happily married and don't want to complicate your life with
>>an affair - just say no. He will try to change your mind, but if you
>>let it be known that you are firm, he will move on to someone else.
>>
>>
>
>Is sex considered recreational for Brazilian women too? Do they also
>look for other men, or is the machismo concept only applicable to
>guys there? In many countries looking for some action on the side is
>a good way to get your head shot off! Do Brazilian guys put up with
>other men coming on to their wives or girlfriends?
>
>
If things are done discreetly neither partner need openly "know".
Brazilian women tend to play with their female friends as opposed to
another man. It is a matter of convenience. If a man comes on to a
married woman in the presence of her partner - that is trouble. If the
husband or boyfriend want's to share his wife with another man, that's
ok. Usually if that's the case, while the wife is flirting her husband
will buy the man a drink with an invitation to join.

Everyone wears bikinis on the beaches of Brazil. Do not mistake that
because a woman or man practically bares all that they are looking to
hook-up. It is usually at the street side cafes or bars that the players
make their moves.

--
________
To email me, Edit "xt" from my email address.
Brian M. Kochera
"Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!"
View My Web Page: http://home.earthlink.net/~brian1951

OK, Here's my take on the situation, The guy sees you as
approachable/available because in your society women are not sequestered or
constantly monitored as they are in patriarchal or macho societies. Women
who are able to move and express themselves freely are alluring and objects
of intense interest and speculation but also dangerous. His heart and
reputation are safe in his family and homeland but he is hoping for
recreational sex and companionship,also hoping that your husband will be
oblivious or resigned, while he would probably wield a machete if anything
similar happened at home. Hope this helps, Peter.
"JohnM" <john@scroll.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:gBewEMAOEL4$Ewwa@scroll.demon.co.uk...
> In article <61bvtvsmakuu88r9qnmcv8fqh2rj4ntrab@4ax.com>, MiguelB
> <mbg@mbg.ca> writes
>
> >This is why my wife decided not to marry a Latino man.
>
> Miguel with a name like that and you are not Latino?
> Are you a Michael in disgusie?
>
> --
> JohnM
> Author of Brazil: Life, Blood, Soul
> http://www.scroll.demon.co.uk/spaver.htm
>
>
>
>

JohnM wrote:
> In article <61bvtvsmakuu88r9qnmcv8fqh2rj4ntrab@4ax.com>, MiguelB
> <mbg@mbg.ca> writes
>>This is why my wife decided not to marry a Latino man.
> Miguel with a name like that and you are not Latino?
> Are you a Michael in disgusie?

I always smelt a wannabe.